


As Wind to Fire

by SweetSorcery



Category: Famous Five - Enid Blyton
Genre: 1960s, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autumn, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Bathing/Washing, Brother/Brother Incest, Camping, Caring, Coming Out, Cycling, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, England (Country), Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Feels, First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, Future Fic, Hero Worship, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Incest, Jealousy, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Slash, Memories, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Picnics, Pining, Plans For The Future, Post-Canon, Protectiveness, Rain, Rescue, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Slash, Slow Burn, Submissiveness, Tender Sex, Tenderness, Tent Sex, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-18 22:15:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSorcery/pseuds/SweetSorcery
Summary: When Dick returns for a cycling holiday from his studies in Paris, he is not his usual carefree self. Julian, protective as ever, won't let his brother keep secrets that are clearly hurting him. Dick knows, and Julian finds out, that adulthood and six months apart have changed many things between them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had to put all other writing aside when this story took hold of me, and I wrote it in under a week. I'm very fond of the books and 70s TV series, and I also have a slash writer's mind and a loathing for archaic laws and nonsensical morals forced on consenting adults. So, while pondering my request of this pairing for Yuletide this year, I realised I have a story in my mind already that I just had to write. I've chosen 1965 as the setting by extrapolating the ages of the characters from the last book being printed in 1962, even though, strictly speaking, they've had so many holidays, they should be around 30 in the last book. :)

  


"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."  
\--Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Yorkshire, England. 1965.

Dick had never felt more nervous in his life, and that included the time he'd been kidnapped and held prisoner at Owl's Dene, without a clue whether the others could ever possibly find him. At least then, he hadn't lost himself. And the first friendly voice he'd heard in that place had been Julian's...

He'd tried to eat a sandwich on the train ride up from London, but his stomach was in knots. He'd tried to enjoy the countryside as it passed by, but staring out the window without really taking in anything had made him queasy. He'd considered having a ginger beer for the nausea, but it was a reminder of too many innocent school holidays, and he was so shaky, he'd probably spill it all over himself. And wouldn't that be a marvellous way to step off the train and greet his brother?

His stomach lurched again. It was mad, he thought. Nothing had ever made him more anxious than seeing Julian for the first time in six months. It was the longest they'd ever been apart in their lives. And, while Paris had been great, and he was looking forward to going back for the second part of his gourmet chef's course, he right then couldn't think beyond the next ten minutes.

"Grosmont Station - six minutes," came the announcement over the crackly speaker system.

Dick sighed. Not ten, only six.

As the train neared the station and began to slow down, he picked up his two canvas bags and made his way to the nearest exit, where he placed one hand on the door handle and took a deep breath. People were starting to come up behind him. He'd planned it that way, so he wouldn't be able to decide to stay on the train and keep going on to who knew where at the last minute.

The carriage came to a stop with all the usual noises, and Dick opened the door. He jumped down from the last step, turned around to lift out his bags, and then faced the station building. And there he was.

Julian had been pacing the platform but, the moment he saw Dick, he began waving frantically, looking as if he was sorely tempted to make a sprint towards his brother. His smile was as bright as the sun.

Dick's stomach flipped. He'd managed to carry his bags perhaps fifteen feet, before Julian reached him with long strides, and they fell from nerveless fingers.

"Oh gosh, Dick, it's been forever," Julian said in his warm, resonant voice. "It's _so_ good to see you." His hands were on Dick's shoulders; naturally, he was still nearly a head taller than Dick, who'd never managed to catch up.

"It's been far too long, Julian," Dick said, his voice sounding unsteady to his own ears. 

And perhaps to Julian's as well, because he looked concerned. They stood awkwardly like that for another moment, with Julian's eyes roaming all over his face, before he simply pulled Dick into his arms and held him tight.

Dick gasped. The embrace probably only lasted seconds in reality but, to him, it felt like a separate little lifetime. He wrapped his arms around Julian's middle and held on tight, not caring that people were watching them. He closed his eyes and just breathed in Julian's scent – so familiar, yet subtly different, still as clean and fresh as if he'd just climbed out of a pond after a bathe, but more masculine than Dick remembered it. And Julian was warm against him, as if he hadn't been waiting on a draughty station in autumn. Warm right through his clothes, with his heartbeat strong against Dick's. And Dick's stomach at last quieted down, only for his heart to begin skipping madly.

When Julian released him, Dick controlled his features fiercely. He even managed a smile that he hoped was reassuring.

Julian looked so happy to see him, and instantly started chatting about how they'd hire bikes at the station and would then take off to cycle the North York Moors National Park. After a proper afternoon tea, that was, because Dick was bound to be tired after his long trip from the continent.

"I am a bit, but I'm happy to find some sandwiches and just get started," Dick said.

"Even better." Julian was walking alongside him. He'd thrown one of Dick's bags over his shoulder and was carrying the other under his left arm, with Dick watching him in amazement.

"I can carry my own bags, you know," he said, laughing a little. The laugh came out more like a cough.

How had Julian managed to get even taller and more broad-shouldered? Surely, at 19, he was as done growing as Dick was at 18. Maybe he just looked even more physically impressive because Dick hadn't seen him in so long. Yes, that had to be it.

"I know you can." Julian grinned. "But I love doing it. I'm well rested, too, because I got here yesterday."

"How is university?"

Julian groaned, making Dick laugh. "Intense. I'm just glad I didn't go for law or medicine. Marine biology is bad enough."

"Interesting though, I bet." Dick followed Julian into the station building, where they made for the ticket counter.

"Yes, it is." Julian stopped. "Hang on," he said, then lowered Dick's bags to the ground. "I'll just see the station master about my bags. I asked to leave them here for a few hours."

"All right, Ju. I'll wait here."

Julian clapped him on the shoulder and went to find the station master, unaware that Dick's eyes followed him every step of the way. He took in the way Julian's green Shetland sweater and cream coloured chinos hugged his tall, athletic form, and figured his brother must still be getting in plenty of exercise alongside his studies. Julian's dark blond hair was still short around the sides and back, and as lustrous and thick as ever on top, and when he glanced back at Dick while waiting for a door to be unlocked for him, his dark eyes sparkled.

Dick envied Julian his looks as much as ever, and no amount of compliments on his brown hair and eyes, freckles and slender frame would ever change that. He'd taken to wearing a lot of black while in Paris, blending in with his fellow cooking students, but here with Julian, he probably just looked gloomy in his narrow black trousers and black and white striped Jersey.

When Julian returned with his own bags – like Dick's, one held clothes, maps etc. and the other camping supplies – he was grinning. "Done. Let's get those bikes, Dick."

"Lead on," Dick said, shouldering his own bags even while Julian was clearly trying to figure out how he could possibly take at least one of them.

* * * * * *

They'd picked up half a dozen sandwiches in Grosmont before cycling out towards the edge of the extensive village. At the bakery where they'd stopped off, they'd been informed of some nice picnic spots on the banks of the river Esk, and they cycled out of the busy streets and onto a quiet country lane, from where it started to get lusher and greener with every yard they covered.

"I've missed this," Julian said, cycling alongside Dick. 

"Not a lot of countryside around St Andrews?" Dick smiled, knowing full well there was. Julian had been sending him enough photos over the past months. The wall of his room in Paris looked like a miniature Scotland, with a large portrait of Julian in the middle.

Julian clarified, "Oh, plenty of that. I've missed just taking off into the unknown with a few essentials, and nothing to do ahead for two full weeks." He glanced at Dick for a little longer than was probably safe while cycling and added, "Most of all, I've missed doing this with you, Dick."

Dick barely avoided a thick branch in the middle of the lane, because he'd been looking at Julian. He swerved around it. "I have too," he said shakily, while getting himself back on track.

"Looks like you've forgotten how to ride a bike," Julian teased. "And they say that's the one thing you never forget how to do. For shame, Dick!"

Dick laughed to cover up his embarrassment. "I'll have you know, I do a lot of cycling in Paris."

"You do?" Julian seemed surprised. "In the middle of the city?"

"Lots of cycling lanes and parks, Ju. Parisians love their bikes."

Julian looked at him, then quickly back at where he was going. "You look like one, too."

"I look like a bike?" Dick asked in mock outrage, making Julian laugh hard enough to wobble a bit himself as he tried to stay on track.

"Like a Parisian." Julian grinned at him.

Dick ducked his head. "I know, I probably look kind of silly in this beatnik get up, smack in the middle of the English countryside."

"No, you don't," Julian said. "You look good, actually. Artistic." His grin was suddenly gone. "Except..."

Dick felt flustered. "Except?"

"You look kind of... I don't know, sad. Subdued maybe?" Julian glanced over again. "You _are_ all right, Dick, aren't you?"

Dick swallowed hard and tried to meet the concerned dark eyes with a smile. "Sure I am, Ju. It's all this black, makes me look gloomy."

Julian looked doubtful. "I guess that's it." He didn't sound convinced, but when Dick pretended to come over incredibly hungry, he busied himself looking for a track from the lane to the edge of the river.

Half an hour, and five ham, watercress, egg and mayonnaise sandwiches - three for Julian, two for Dick - later, they both fell back on a picnic blanket, which they had spread out under a low-hanging willow right by the river bank. The Esk was a fast moving river, popular with canoeists, and it rushed by them with a steady gurgle.

"I wonder what Anne and George are up to," Dick mused.

"According to Anne's last postcard, they were having a grand time in Sweden. Lakes, horses, flat country to cycle on... I don't think they're missing us a bit." Julian grinned.

"Do you miss them?" Dick asked, looking over at Julian's profile.

"Yes and no. I miss them, because they're always fun to have around. I don't miss them, because it's nice to go off somewhere with just you." Julian turned his face, and their eyes met. "I've often wished we could have done that, Dick, just you and me going away together. Setting our own pace, doing what we like, when we like, without Anne worrying about things getting too adventurous and keeping us to proper mealtimes, and George trying to prove herself a boy by getting into more trouble than we did."

They both laughed at the range of memories Julian's words conjured up – Anne fussing over the cooking, setting up pantries anywhere they stayed for more than a day, with everything having to be just so; George throwing tantrums if they ever dared suggest they might just do something together, without the girls.

"We'll have to make sure to sleep in at least a few times. I'd love to wake up around midday, and even then only because the tent gets too warm to keep sleeping," Dick thought out loud, then snickered. "Without fear of Anne bursting in and hitting me with a frying pan for being a sleepyhead."

Julian laughed. "Sleeping in sounds nice, I don't get to do that at varsity. We'll be able to any time we like, and eat breakfast at midday and dinner at midnight, and to lie awake for hours and talk, and go for a swim in the middle of the night without worrying about bathing trunks--"

He continued on with all the things they could do, but Dick had stopped listening. He had gone beet red and lay, with his eyes closed, thinking virtuously about the best way to prepare a soufflé and how much cocoa powder to use when rolling rum truffles.

"Dick. Dick, are you listening?" Julian asked, after several attempts to get a reply to his question as to whether Dick wanted some cranberry juice. He was leaning on his elbow, looking down at Dick.

"What? Sorry," Dick said quickly, tipping his head to meet Julian's eyes. "I got so full and lazy, I was drifting off."

"Full and lazy? After just two sandwiches? You've gone soft!" Julian accused with a laugh.

Dick smiled. "I probably have. City life and all that."

"We grew up in London, Dick."

"I know, but we didn't really. We were never home, but either at school or cycling, walking or driving caravans around the country."

Julian nodded and shrugged. "You've got something there."

Dick sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. "Anyway, what did you say before?"

Julian held out the juice bottle. "Want some?"

"Sure." The cranberry juice was gloriously cold still, and Dick took a deep swallow, then handed it back. "Where are we making camp tonight, do you know?" he asked.

"There's an island lake twenty miles north of here, more or less," Julian suggested. "How does that sound?"

"Sounds brilliant." Dick smiled. 

"I don't think we'll get our stuff and bikes onto the island, but we can at least have a swimming race to it." Julian jumped up and brushed crumbs from his trousers. "Oh, sorry," he said, when Dick leaned back and out of the way. 

"Savage," Dick muttered jokingly. 

"I know. You'll have to teach me refined French manners while you're here."

"Me, teach you? No one has ever taught Julian Kirrin a thing." Dick was grinning, but he grew serious when he saw Julian's expression.

"Did I used to be a real prat?" Julian asked, somewhat surprisingly.

Dick frowned. "What are you talking about, Ju?"

"I used to boss you all around something awful on our trips, didn't I?" Julian quirked a half smile now. "George never let's me forget it."

"Ju," Dick started. "George is George. If she wanted to fly to Jupiter, and someone told her it couldn't be done, she'd tell them off for being bossy. Anne has never minded you looking after us all, and I never have."

"You haven't?" Julian asked, even as he was laughing at the thought of George zooming about in a spaceship.

"Of course I haven't." Dick smiled. "I still don't. So if you want to decide exactly where we go and what we do for the duration of our trip, go right ahead. You never led us astray in all those years. Besides, if you put me in charge, we're bound to end up accidentally cycling through Snowdonia."

Julian laughed. "Just wanted to be sure, Dick. Show my maturity and all that, by giving you a choice."

Dick said softly, "Ju, you tell me what to do, and I'll do it. That's always worked fine for me." As soon as the words were out, he felt himself blushing, and quickly bent down to pick up the empty lunch bags and paper cups, squashing them into a paper bag.

"All right, Dick." Julian watched his brother thoughtfully and, when Dick stood upright again, he took the paper bag from Dick's hands. For a moment, their fingers were touching on the bag while Julian looked at him, and then he took everything from Dick's grasp and pushed it down in the side pocket of his pack, to be dropped into a bin somewhere later.

When they got back on their bikes and kicked off, Dick's hands were shaking so badly, he could barely keep hold of his handle bars.

* * * * * *

They made good time and reached the lake Julian had chosen as their first camp site before night fall. Putting up the tent took minutes, after years of practice, and they settled down at the edge of the lake to watch the sun slowly redden low in the sky.

"It's warm tonight for autumn. We could have almost saved ourselves the trouble of putting up the tent," Julian mused out loud. "Do you remember all those times when we slept under the stars?"

Dick nodded. "We can still do that. We'll just keep our things inside the tent and put down our sleeping mats in front of it."

They did so, then set about making dinner one the portable stove. Julian had bought tins of soup, sausages and bread, and they had a little of everything while the sun set.

"Have you noticed how we're eating less now than we used to at half our current size?" Dick said.

Julian laughed. "You're used to proper gourmet food by now, so camp food isn't good enough."

"I didn't mean that," Dick was quick to point out.

"Just teasing, Dick." Julian gave him a playful poke in the arm, but his smile soon vanished. "But if you don't start eating more than you did today, I shall really start worrying about you."

Dick's eyes widened, and he tried to wriggle out of having his health in the spotlight by demanding, imperiously, "Are you saying I used to eat more than anyone?"

"You certainly used to eat more than Anne and George. And often more than I did, too." Julian laughed. "We wondered where you put it all. But at least Timmy ate more than you."

"I can't believe _you're_ calling me a glutton!" Dick made as if to attack his brother.

Julian teased, "Well, what if I am? Are you going to tackle me? Wrestle me to the ground until I withdraw the statement?"

Dick gulped and settled back down. "Uh... no, I..." He lowered his eyes. "We're too grown up for that," he murmured softly.

Julian narrowed his eyes at him. "I suppose we are," he said slowly, sounding unconvinced.

Dick yawned then. "I think I'll go to sleep. I last slept properly two nights ago, in another country."

"Feeling your age, are you?" Julian grinned, and Dick nodded, sighing dramatically.

They pulled their sleeping bags out of the tent, unzipped them, changed into pyjamas while facing away from each other, and climbed inside the bags.

"Night, Ju," Dick said softly.

"Night, Dick, sleep tight." When Dick turned on his side, away from Julian, Julian kept watching him for a long time, before his eyes finally closed and he drifted off.

* * * * * *

Julian was woken by the commotion of a couple of ducks having an early morning fight on the lake. He sat up and stared at the spectacle in confusion for a moment, then broke into a smile. He was on the North York Moors, with Dick, and there were a good two weeks ahead of them. He turned his face to look down at Dick, who was still sleeping, but had rolled onto his back during the night.

It was so good to have him back, but Julian wished he knew what was weighing on his brother's mind. Even in sleep, Dick was frowning. Of the four, well... five, of them, Dick had always been the most cheerful and carefree. Now, he looked as if he bore every care in the world on his shoulders.

Well, Julian wasn't easily deterred. He would get the secret out of his brother, if it took him the full two weeks to do it. He hoped it wouldn't. He hated seeing Dick unhappy; and he _was_ unhappy, of that Julian was certain. He sighed, and rose to go for a swim, deciding to let Dick sleep a little longer. He looked as if he needed it.

* * * * * *

Dick was woken by a spray of cold water all over his face and neck, followed by a weight settling over his middle and, for a few confused moments while inhaling fresh country air, he was sure he was back on a school holiday, and it was Timmy shaking himself out all over him. He opened his eyes, and his next in-breath stuck in his throat.

"Do wake up, Dick. You're pale, but not so pale as to need a full day's worth of beauty sleep," Julian said, laughing. He was sitting on top of Dick's hips, wearing nothing but swimming trunks and, when Dick raised himself on his elbows with a gasp, he shook his head, flinging water from his wet hair into his brother's face.

"Ju, get off me!" Dick demanded, his voice sounding panicked.

"What's wrong?" Julian's dark eyes were instantly full of concern. "Am I too heavy? Sorry." He raised himself to kneel over Dick instead, and now they weren't touching, but their faces were mere inches apart. "I never thought. Forgot I'm not a child anymore." He smiled sheepishly.

Dick tried to breathe, but all he managed were quick, frantic gulps of air. Julian was dripping water all over him – it wasn’t as cold as it had at first seemed, instead it was warmed by Julian's sun-kissed skin – and smiling down at him. He smelled of grass and trees and soap, and he looked like sunlight made flesh. No, he wasn't a child anymore, but neither was Dick.

Julian was saying his name, his eyes looking warm and concerned.

Dick couldn't stand it. He gave Julian a shove, knocking him on his side, and jumped up. In a panic, he did the only thing he could think to do, with Julian looking up at him at once hurt and confused. "Race you to the island!" he called out, desperately. He pulled off his pyjama top, flung it down on the grass, and ran towards the water.

"Dick!" Julian shouted after him. "Are you mad? You're still wearing--" 

Dick didn't hear him. He dove headfirst into the lake, in pyjama pants and underwear – he wasn't worried about them not staying up, and started to swim as if his life depended on it.

Julian followed. Of course he did. He soon gave up trying to get Dick to turn back, and instead just went to catch up to him. He did, about halfway to the island; he always had been the better swimmer.

Dick was struggling, the long cotton pants clinging to his legs uncomfortably, dragging him back and down. The lake was colder than he'd expected too, but he kept on, making for the island. He could feel the pain starting in the back of his left calf, and put extra effort into his arms and right leg.

"Dick!" Julian, knowing something was wrong when Dick slowed down and started panting helplessly, changed direction and kicked his legs harder, until he was right beside Dick.

"Cramp," Dick managed to get out, before the pain distracted him long enough for his head to go under.

Julian's arms were around his middle immediately, and strong kicks propelled them both upwards in the water, before Julian smoothly turned on his back and kept on towards the island, letting Dick's body rest on him and keeping his head above water with a hand under his chin.

They made it to the grassy but slippery bank within a couple of minutes, Julian barely slowed down by taking Dick's weight as well.

Dick helped as best he could to climb up onto the grass, with Julian pushing him up by his hips, before following him out.

Dick fell back, gasping for breath, and Julian instantly reached for his legs. "Left," Dick got out, and Julian began to stroke the left calf with strong fingers, sending warmth and blood back through the seized up muscles.

After a couple of minutes, he crawled up to kneel beside Dick. "If I wasn't so worried right now, I'd give you a punch in the nose for that, Dick."

Dick blinked up at him. He knew Julian would never hit him in a million years, but he certainly looked torn between fear and anger. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to--"

"Go for a swim? Come on, Dick, don't give me that. You were running away from me."

"Stuff and nonsense," Dick murmured halfheartedly, turning his head to the side.

Julian would have none of it. He took his chin in a trembling hand and made him face him. "Dick, you're the last person on Earth I ever thought I'd be calling a coward, but you're afraid. I don't know what of but, right now, it looks like I'm the most likely culprit. Even if it makes no sense." 

Dick looked up into the dark eyes sadly. "Not you, Julian."

"What then?" Julian asked, in some desperation.

Dick closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to see the worry and hurt. "Myself."

Julian sat back on his legs and stared at him. "That makes even less sense, Dick."

Dick would have laughed, if he was in the mood. "Yes, I suppose so."

"You need to tell me, Dick. You know how stubborn I am," Julian said, putting on his best stern voice; the one with which he used to take on villains twice his size and three times his age. "I shan't stop pestering you until I get it out of you."

"I can't, Julian. Honestly, I can't." Dick sighed. He still had not opened his eyes again. "You'd hate me."

At this, Julian gasped. There was a moment's pause, then he said, "Dick, there is nothing in the world you could tell me that would make me hate you." When Dick did not react, he said, firmly, "Do you hear me? Nothing."

"I hear you," Dick said feebly.

"You don't believe me though," Julian guessed.

Dick shook his head.

"Open your eyes, Dick. Look at me." 

"No." Dick felt a warm, gentle hand under his nape, lifting his head off the ground.

"Look at me."

Dick did. He wished he hadn't. Julian looked desolate.

"Dick, you're my little brother. I love you. I'll always love you, whatever you've done, or are thinking of doing, or--" He sighed. "I can't even imagine."

"No, you can't." Dick's voice cracked. He wished Julian would stop talking, saying the things he was saying. He'd rather he was angry.

"Look." Julian drew him up further, until Dick was forced to sit facing him. "If you've robbed a bank, I'll help you hide the loot. If you've killed someone, I'll help you hide the body. If you're found out, I'll take the blame." When an incredulous, reluctant huff of laughter escaped Dick, he asked, "Are you getting the idea yet, Dick?"

"Oh, Ju." Dick hung his head. "I haven't robbed or killed anyone." He paused, and took a deep breath. "But I have broken a law."

Julian sat in silence, but his tension was palpable. When Dick did not continue, he asked softly, "What law, Dick?"

"It's... not against the law in France, where I... I mean, I would have broken a law in England."

Julian tried to think of anything that might possibly be legal in France, while being so illegal in England as to get Dick into such a state. "What law, Dick? I can't even guess."

Dick looked up at him briefly, then down again. He couldn't bear to see the disgust in Julian's face. "I don't fancy girls, Ju."

Julian blinked. His first instinct was to lightly say that he was fairly sure fancying girls was more an expectation than a legal requirement, and that he honestly wasn't that interested in them himself, but then it clicked. "Oh," he said levelly.

Dick looked back up, his eyes widening incredulously. "Oh? Is that all?"

Julian met his eyes calmly. It was clear that Dick expected to see shock, loathing and judgment, and his chest clenched. How long had his brother been carrying this secret alone? "You can't help that, Dick," he said gently.

Dick snorted. "Doctors will tell you otherwise. They'll tell you that I'm sick, crazy, criminal, for--"

"I'm not talking to doctors about you, Dick. I know you better than anyone, and you're perfectly sane, healthy and good. Though, clearly not happy right now."

"No." Dick felt tears prickling behind his eyes. It would almost be easier if Julian hadn't reacted so... Julian-like. He knew full well that, if his brother knew the full extent of his depravity, he'd feel less compassionate. How could he not?

"So, you've had... relations with another man?" Julian asked carefully. When Dick nodded silently, he continued, "Are you in love with him?" The question, once it had passed his lips, made him hurt deep inside, confusing him. Oddly, when Dick shook his head, the hurt calmed. "Did he treat you badly?" he asked then, gripped by a sudden fear that Dick had not had a choice.

"What? No, Ju, it's not like that. I just wanted to know... to be sure." He flushed. "He didn’t hurt me, except... well, the... it does hurt a bit, but--" Dick wanted to sink into the ground.

"I understand." Julian thought he did, at least.

"I just don't love him."

Nodding, Julian started to ask, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to know, "But there is someone--"

Dick's face closed off instantly. "Julian, I'm sorry. You must be disappointed in me."

"No, Dick. I'm sad because you're not happy, and I'm angry about our ridiculous laws here, and I fear for you because of them, but I am not disappointed in you." Julian took his wrist in his warm hand, feeling the pulse fast and irregular. "Nothing's changed between us, Dick, I promise."

Dick met his eyes. He wanted to say that yes, everything had changed while he'd been away, but that was something he could not, would not, ever tell Julian. Instead, he took what comfort he could from the warm, deep hazel eyes looking so softly into his and nodded. He whispered, "Thank you, Ju."

Julian squeezed his hand in both of his and smiled. "Do you think you can make it back across now? I'm getting chilly." He nodded to Dick's soggy pyjama pants. "And I bet you are too. Take those off and tie them around your waist, it'll be easier to swim."

"Yes." Dick stood, tried putting weight on his left leg, and found the cramp well and truly gone. "I'm fine."

"Good. Let's go and have breakfast, but stay close to me while swimming back."

Dick nodded, warmed by Julian's concern.

* * * * * *

Dick looked so strung out that Julian suggested they stay an extra night, and they spent the day playing cards, halfheartedly trying to catch a fish for their dinner - not minding when they didn't, and reading. They did not revisit the morning's conversation, even though Julian frequently seemed on the verge of bringing it up.

That night, they slept inside the tent, more for comfort than because of the temperature.

Julian spent most of the night awake, worrying. Who was it Dick had made sure not to mention? Was it someone they both knew? Someone who could not be trusted to at least keep quiet, if he didn't return Dick's feelings? Those thoughts got Julian nowhere, except wide awake and sad; and then he started worrying about what would happen if Dick was found out. He'd go to prison, possibly for life. Julian wasn't completely sure about the laws regarding homosexuality, but he knew they were severe.

Anger filled his whole being. How could it be a crime – not conforming with the rules of society, not loving who you're supposed to? If anyone was mad and criminal, it was the people making laws threatening dear, wonderful people like Dick - who would chop off his right arm before harming anyone. He watched him sleep and sighed. No wonder he was as tense as a bowstring. Julian was feeling more fiercely protective than ever, and he wanted nothing more than to lie closer and pull Dick into his arms to shield him from the world, but he didn't want to risk waking him. His mind continued to grind the same thoughts for hours, until he finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * * * * *

Dick was confused when Julian was still fast asleep two hours after he'd woken himself. Julian, more often than not, used to wake up first. Clearly, he needed the sleep, so Dick left him to it, walking alongside the lake for an hour before returning to start breakfast and make a pot of tea. Julian was still asleep, blinking blearily up at Dick when he moved a steaming cup of tea back and forth under his nose.

"Morning, Ju." Dick's voice was hesitant. "It's nearly midday. Are you ill?"

Julian shook his head. "No, just tired. I had a bad sleep to start with." He smiled reassuringly. "We did say we'd sleep in until midday. I'm fine now." He wasn't really. His head hurt, as did his heart, looking at Dick's worried expression.

"I've made breakfast," Dick said unnecessarily.

"Smells delicious." Julian sat up and took the plate Dick gave him. "I don't know why I bothered cooking yesterday. You're the expert." Dick blushed at the praise, and Julian continued to make appreciative noises throughout the meal, and tried to talk about meaningless, everyday things. He succeeded in calming both Dick and himself by the time they were ready to pack up and get back on their way.

They planned to get to a high peak of the moors that day, from where they should have astounding views of the entire national park. It wasn't far away, but there was some steep cycling, and by the time they reached the hilltop – overgrown with purple heather which stretched down and away as far as the eye could see, and providing shelter in the form of a few windblown trees – the weather had turned. The first sprinkles of rain started before they had finished erecting the tent.

* * * * * *

The rain was settling in, that much was certain. Luckily, the base of the tent was thick and waterproof, they had mats to spread out underneath their sleeping bags, and the drainage was good all around them – the hillside falling away in all directions. The wind picked up as night fell, and the rain continued its steady and calming barrage of the tent's canvas, with occasional random cascades from the thick branches overhanging their tent. 

They had bread, cheese, relish and pickles for dinner, and tinned fruit for dessert. Cooking anything was out of the question so, instead of tea, they had apple juice.

After playing a few hands of cards, Julian noticed Dick shivering. "Cold?"

"Yes, it's getting chillier, isn't it?"

Julian was not sure it was, but he nodded. He reached for a thick white jumper inside his pack and handed it to Dick. "Here, this is really warm."

Dick swallowed. "I was just going to put on my pyjamas and get into my sleeping bag, Ju."

"You can do that, but put on the jumper too." Julian smiled and, after a moment's hesitation, Dick did just that, awkwardly struggling into his warmest set of pyjamas behind Julian's back. Then he took the jumper and put it on, and Julian chuckled; the sleeves went down to Dick's knuckles and the edge of it to the top of his thighs.

"Just how tall are you?" Dick asked faintly.

"Six foot three, the last time I checked."

"I'm surprised the sleeping bag is long enough."

Julian grinned. "I tuck my legs up a bit. It helps."

Dick smiled and crawled into his sleeping bag, which Julian promptly zipped up for him. "You don't mind if we stop playing cards? I'm quite tired," Dick said.

Julian shook his head. "I'm rather tired too, despite all that sleep." He looked up. "And the rain on the tent is nice and soothing."

"It is," Dick agreed, and settled on his back.

Julian got ready and was in his own sleeping bag a few minutes later. He turned down the lamp, and they lay side by side in the dark, just listening to the rain on canvas as well as each other's breathing.

Dick, wrapped up in warmth and Julian's scent from the jumper, went to sleep feeling unusually contented.

* * * * * *

It was still raining when Julian woke up, thinking Dick was calling him. He turned towards him, mumbling a sleepy, "What's up?" Dick didn't reply, but Julian could hear his breathing – fast and heavy. "Dick, are you all right?"

"Julian," Dick moaned softly.

The way Dick's voice sounded made something tighten in Julian's stomach, which he put down to worry. He reached to cup Dick's shoulder in the dark, to shake him awake from what he assumed to be a nightmare, but his hand ended up on the side of his head instead; Dick must have shifted around a lot and turned on his side, towards him, during the night. Julian kept his hand on the smooth, dark hair, and stroked over it lightly, thinking that, if he could soothe Dick that way, he might be able to get him out of his nightmare without having to fully wake him.

Dick moaned again, pressing his head back into the stroking hand.

"I'm here, Dick," Julian said softly, hoping that hearing his voice might calm Dick.

Another deep moan was the only response, and Julian frowned. Was Dick actually dreaming that he, Julian, was hurting him? That was intolerable. He shifted as close as he could inside his sleeping bag and wrapped his left arm around Dick to draw him against himself. It was awkward, with both of them inside the bags. Julian didn't hesitate to unzip both bags and draw Dick into his arms to hold him close.

"You're safe with me, Dick, hush," he whispered. "I'm here. I'll take care of you."

Dick whimpered softly and pressed closer in his sleep.

"Yes, that's right. Just let me hold you." Julian smiled against the cool temple. Holding Dick like this was calming him as well as Dick. Maybe because he knew that, while he held him, no one else could harm him in any way.

Shifting a little in the embrace, Dick ended up with his face pressed into the crook of Julian's neck and his hands against Julian's chest. His soft exhalations of warm breath as he calmed raised goose bumps on Julian's skin where it was exposed – from his neck down to his collarbones. The sensations were so pleasant, they caused the pulse at the base of Julian's throat to flutter rapidly and his heart to beat a little faster. Fast enough for the changing rhythm of it under Dick's hands to slowly seep into Dick's consciousness.

Dick woke slowly, and it took him a long time to convince himself that he was not still dreaming, but that Julian really was holding him in his arms. His first instinct was to push back from him, put a safe distance between them.

He couldn't. He might never feel this again – Julian's strong arms around him, Julian's breath on his face, Julian's heart beat under his palms, Julian's skin under his lips - if he only pursed them a little. He did so, very gently.

Julian became aware of Dick slowly waking up about the same time he became aware of his own speeding pulse. He was horrified with himself for reacting that way to Dick's closeness, and would have drawn back immediately, if he hadn't felt Dick's lips against his throat, pressing a painfully tender kiss there. He squeezed his eyes closed, even in the darkness. Maybe he was wrong, and Dick wasn’t waking up. Maybe Dick was still asleep, thinking he was being held by someone else entirely. The thought was unexpectedly distressing. But... what if he was awake? It would mean... Julian couldn't suppress a gasp, when many odd little things Dick had been doing began to make sense.

Dick froze in Julian's embrace, feeling suddenly cold all over despite the surrounding warmth. Julian was awake. Julian knew he had just kissed his neck. Julian was going to hate him, and he would never speak to him again. He pulled back frantically. "I'm so sorry, Ju, I was dreaming. I just woke. I had no idea—"

"Didn't you?" Julian whispered softly into the frantic reassurances.

Dick stilled. He didn't know what to do or say. He just wished the Earth would swallow him up and make Julian forget he'd ever had a brother. Warm fingers took his chin and raised his face. Julian wasn't able to see him, as it was pitch black in the tent, but it made Dick feel Julian's breath on his lips; it was too much, he couldn't bear it. He started shaking all over.

"Didn't you?" Julian repeated, even more softly, and the words were warm mist against Dick's tingling lips. "I think you did."

Dick's trembling increased. His feeble 'yes' was so quiet, he barely heard it himself, but Julian did, or maybe he felt the vibration of it against his lips, because he reacted, though in a very unexpected way.

Dick felt Julian's lips on his. The touch was so light, it was almost more breath than kiss, but it rocked Dick to the core, and he whimpered helplessly.

"Shush," Julian whispered.

And then the touch was back and, this time, it was definitely a kiss. Dick felt Julian's lips firm and sure on his, and his trembling stopped to be replaced by a shiver, which travelled from his toes right up to the top of his head. His soft moan parted his lips a little, and Julian's mouth found his at a better angle, and there was more pressure and soft breaths travelling between their half open mouths.

Dick's fingers had tightened in Julian's top, and Julian's fingers released Dick's chin, his arm moving back around him, his hand cupping the nape of his neck in a warm grip. Tentatively, he licked at Dick's bottom lip, and when this caused a groan low in Dick's chest, he slipped the tongue into his mouth to find Dick's. They curled around each other, wet rasps of flesh and muscle, the breaths they exchanged more and more rapid and desperate for what little air fitted between their mouths at any time.

Julian's fingers curled into Dick's collar, sliding under it. The skin under his fingers was burning and shivering at once, and he circled his fingertips in tiny, soothing motions.

Dick gripped the soft cotton of Julian's pyjama top so hard, a button snapped off. It slipped, unnoticed, between them, Dick's fingertips between the lapels of Julian's top, caressing smooth skin and feeling the rapid heart beat. He wanted to feel it under his tongue. He tore his mouth from Julian's with a wet sound, and pressed a line of kisses down Julian's neck, which arched under them. And then he licked at the base of Julian's throat, warmed all over by the soft groan, and his mouth went on, until it fluttered over the dip between Julian's collarbones, and to the centre of his chest. 

Julian's hand was on the back of Dick's head now, and they were both unaware they had rolled until Julian was on his back and Dick lay half on top of him. And then they became very aware, because Dick was hard against Julian's thigh, and Julian against Dick's hip, and Julian drew Dick up, and the dragging motion against a strong thigh through soft cotton made Dick moan out loud.

Julian gasped, his face tipped back, when Dick's mouth closed on his Adam's apple and sucked, even as he moved against the juncture of Julian's left hip and thigh. 

Dick felt Julian's hands on his bottom a moment later, holding him firmly against himself, and he felt as if his whole body might explode. He couldn't stop himself from trying to move, Julian's taste on his tongue, and the pressure against him, becoming too much too quickly.

And suddenly, he was on his back, with Julian lying over him, his hands still firm on Dick's buttocks. He was shifting and wriggling until they were pressing into each other, and Dick's cry was caught in Julian's mouth, before it moved down his neck, kissing and gently biting at the shivering skin there. Then his hands slid up and under Dick's pyjama top, caressing the burning hot skin of his back. Julian pressed into him, between his thighs, against his groin, alongside his hardness – rhythmically, ever faster and with more force, and Dick was suddenly falling over the edge, his groan of completion hot against Julian's ear and, with a few more rapid thrusts against him, Julian followed with a deep moan of Dick's name. 

* * * * * *

Julian lay with his head in the crook of Dick's neck, one hand curled around his shoulder, one on the sleeping bag above him. His breaths were warm, gradually slowing, against Dick's chest.

Dick stared up into the darkness, his eyes wide and unbelieving, while he ran his tongue over his lips. He could taste Julian there or, despite what had just happened, he might doubt his own memory of it and, for that matter, his sanity. His heart was still pounding, apparently unable to slow down; probably because it could feel Julian's heartbeat trying to match its rhythm.

Dick said, very quietly, "I'm glad it's dark. I think I would die if you could see me."

Julian's right arm shifted a little, and Dick assumed he was going to move away, but he had only reached for the lamp. A soft glow filled the tent, and Julian was leaning on his right elbow, looking into Dick's face. "I want to see you," he said.

Dick tried to turn his face to the side, but Julian cupped his cheek and made him face him again. His eyes were soft and darker than usual. He let his gaze roam all over Dick's face, lingering on his eyes, on his mouth, on his nose. "You still have those freckles on your nose and cheeks, they're always brighter when you're embarrassed or excited," he murmured.

"Yes," Dick croaked.

"I missed seeing them," said Julian. He traced them with his index finger. "I missed the sparkle in your eyes too." He did not comment on the dampness at the corner of Dick's left eye as he traced around it. "And your smiling mouth." His thumb swept over Dick's bottom lip. "I missed your laughter, your kindness, your sweetness." The mouth did smile a little then, even if the dampness on Dick's cheek increased. "I missed everything about you so terribly."

Dick tried to speak, but the lump in his throat made it impossible.

"When did you first know, Dick?" Julian asked softly.

Dick swallowed. "The first time I was kissed." When Julian looked sad at that, he added, "I closed my eyes, and I realised I wanted it to be you. Never anyone but you."

Julian traced Dick's lips again with his thumb, one after the other, then leaned in to press a painfully tender kiss to them.

Dick's lips parted under Julian's mouth with a sigh. Yes, it was just as he had imagined it, when he dared to imagine. Which was often, even though it hurt so much. When his lips were released, swollen and damp, he whispered in awe, "I never thought it would ever _be_ you."

"Neither did I." Julian smiled softly, and Dick returned the smile. "You always were more quick-witted than me." Not giving Dick the chance to deny it, he asked, "What about everything else?" He did not blush, but he lowered his eyes for a moment. "Did you want that to be me too?"

Dick did blush, but nodded when Julian met his eyes again.

Julian's eyes were soft, nearly black now, and Dick felt naked under their gaze. When Julian felt him shiver, he whispered, "It will be, Dick. It will be me." The shiver turned into a tremble, and Julian leaned in and spoke into Dick's ear. "Never again anyone but me, promise me that."

Dick gasped. He was filled with a happiness so absolute then, it took his breath away. "I promise, Ju." He wrapped his arms around Julian's middle and sighed into his neck.

Julian held him tight, nuzzling into his tear damp skin, and cradled his head.

After several minutes, Dick murmured reluctantly, "I feel uncomfortably sticky."

Julian chuckled softly. "So do I." He looked into Dick's face, his smile as happy as Dick felt. "We could stand outside and have a rain shower."

Dick thought it was a very good idea, at least until they did it and, within a couple of minutes, hurried back into the tent to get into clean, dry pyjamas, shivering from head to toe.

They snuggled into Julian's open sleeping bag, covered themselves with a couple of blankets, and held each other close for warmth. Soon, they fell asleep and, as different as they looked, their smiles were identical.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kindly pardon my dreadful attempts at writing a Yorkshire accent. And yes, I have it on good authority that they really do refer to _autumn_ as _backend_ up there.

They woke in daylight, to the rain pounding the tent even harder than it had during the night.

When Dick opened his eyes, the first thing he saw were the buttons of Julian's white Henley; he'd been lying on his chest. In a momentary panic, he motioned to move away, but Julian's arms tightened around him, and he remembered. 

It was all right. He smiled. Oh God, it really was all right to be lying in Julian's arms.

"Don't you go anywhere," Julian murmured sleepily.

"No." Dick sighed and lay back down, rubbing his cheek against Julian's chest. "Still raining," he said.

Julian smiled. "I know."

"No idea what time it is."

"Don't care." Julian nuzzled against the top of Dick's head, his nose in his hair. "You smell good."

Dick grinned. "Must be from the rain shower. Or because I slept snuggled up to you."

"Yes, that's it." Julian chuckled.

"Are you hungry?" Dick didn't know why he couldn't stop talking nonsense. He assumed he was simply too giddy to keep quiet.

"I wouldn't mind something to nibble on." Julian slowly rolled them over so he was lying on top of Dick. He looked down at him with a smile.

Dick's eyes softened. He felt quite blurred around the edges anyhow. The expression in Julian's face made his heart thump like a drum. "Anything in particular?" he asked huskily.

Julian leaned down and breathed into his right ear, before nipping at the lobe, causing a shiver. Then he leaned Dick's head a little to the side and nipped at his throat. When Dick gasped, he turned his head back and closed his teeth over his bottom lip, chewing it gently.

Dick's eyes fluttered closed when he released it, and he could barely breathe when Julian licked at his upper lip, then soothed the lower one with his tongue, before giving him a long, slow, open-mouthed kiss which drove Dick crazy. He licked at, then sucked, Julian's tongue, drawing it into his mouth.

The groan reverberating through the kiss intensified each sensation, and then Dick felt his hands lifted and pinned above his head. Julian's long, athletic torso was pressing down against his own. He felt Julian's heart beating rapidly, his muscles shifting against him, his strength keeping him completely immobile, and Dick loved it. He loved it so much, he was rock hard in moments.

"Mmm," Julian hummed, kissing his left cheek, then his chin, before transferring both of Dick's wrists into the grip of just one hand, and using the other to smooth up his stomach and chest, first above the loose T-shirt, then beneath it.

Dick gasped when Julian's hand hooked under the edge of the T-shirt and pushed it up while stroking his bare skin, then leaned down and began placing little kisses all over Dick's chest.

Dick was panting hard. He moaned when Julian's mouth nipped at his left nipple, then soothed it with his tongue. 

Julian smiled against the hard nub, flicking his tongue more quickly, before shifting to repeat the treatment on the right side.

Dick knew he was pushing his hips up needily, but he couldn't stop it. He was desperately trying to get more contact with Julian's lower body. When the hand smoothed down his stomach, lingered to draw a few index finger circles around his navel, and then slowly moved over the elastic of his waistband, he stilled and held his breath. And then released it with a whoosh when Julian's hand moulded around his hardness.

"Please, Ju," Dick panted.

"You need to tell me if I do anything wrong," Julian murmured. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I can't tell," Dick gasped, making Julian laugh softly, and pushed into the pressure. His neck arched when Julian's long fingers curled around him, then briefly slid down between his legs, cupping the orbs there in a warm, tender grip, before the palm moved up and over his bulge again.

This time, it moved further up, back onto bare, lightly haired skin, and then Julian hooked his fingers over the waistband and drew it down carefully.

Dick watched him, breathing hard, as Julian kept nudging the pants down, one side at a time, until they were below Dick's hips. He smiled when Julian tilted his head, as if assessing how to best approach the task at hand. Ju had always been very methodical. Everything planned in detail, with maps drawn up. Usually, at least.

"Ju!" Dick cried out, when Julian simply bent down and took him in his mouth.

Julian's dark eyes looked up at him as he slowly slid his mouth down, then back up, his fingers encircling what he couldn't immediately fit into his mouth. He slowly established a good way to cover every inch with either sucks or strokes, and Dick fell back on the sleeping bag and lay panting, with his mouth open. He had to keep checking that it was Julian making him feel so good, or he'd become convinced this was just another dream.

He wasn't going to last long, Dick knew. Julian was, as usual, brilliant at what he did, not to mention that he was Julian. In far too short a time, Dick reached down to touch the side of his face and, when Julian looked up questioningly, gasped, "Better stop, or I'll--"

Instead of stopping, Julian sped up, his strokes smoother than ever by then, and he seemed to have become used to the nudges against the back of his throat, because he sucked very, very hard then, adding in a flicker of his tongue.

Dick cried out, trembling through his release. Which Julian swallowed entirely.

"Julian," Dick's voice savoured the name like a rare treat. "Oh, Julian."

Julian released him gently and moved back up to cover him, taking care to lie a little to the side to not cause any discomfort. He licked his lips, which would have made Dick come again, were it possible, and asked, "Was that all right?"

"No," Dick mumbled. "That was marvellous."

Julian smiled. "This way is much less messy."

Dick couldn't help it, he laughed out loud. "Ever practical." Then he grew serious. He touched Julian's cheek. "You're wonderful, do you know that?"

Julian nodded sagely. "Of course. We're brothers, after all, and you are certainly wonderful."

Dick's stomach dropped. "I can't even imagine what laws we're both breaking now."

Julian kissed his cheek, then stroked over his hair. "How does France feel about this?"

"Heaven knows. No better than England does, I imagine. In fact, it's possibly the only thing in history they agree on."

Julian looked at Dick's worried expression. "It's just as well we don't intend to advertise."

"No." A stone-heavy lump formed in Dick's stomach. He had endangered Julian now too. It was all his fault.

"I can practically see you fretting and feeling guilty, Dick." Julian smiled encouragingly. "I'm going to keep you safe, and you'll keep me safe, just as it's always been. Except that with this, no one, but no one at all, may know, not even Anne and George."

Dick agreed. "Do you suppose that, one day, everyone will be allowed to openly love whomever their heart chooses, and won't be treated like a criminal for it?"

"One day, maybe." Julian sighed. "You wouldn't think it so hard to see that love which harms no one can't be evil." He briefly glanced up over Dick's head, as if thinking ahead. "Meanwhile, I rather think I'll need to work on polishing up my French."

"Ju!" Dick gasped. "You're going to come and see me in Paris?"

"I think that will be better, don't you?" When Dick nodded, he said, "We can pretend not to be brothers."

Dick looked sheepish. "I might have gone on a lot to some friends about my wonderful brother Julian," he admitted with a blush.

Julian grinned. "Well, we don't have to pretend. Closeness between brothers wouldn't be questioned so quickly, but we do need to be careful." Dick agreed with that. "I'll only be able to come and see you in term breaks, but there are a lot of those, and I'm never again letting you out of my sight for six months."

Dick smiled, the lump in his stomach slowly dissolving. "I don't think I could stand it again."

Julian traced his fingers over Dick's forehead, then brushed back a few strands of disarrayed hair at his temple. "Neither could I." He nudged his nose up against Dick's playfully. "I'm such a fool. To think I had no idea why, for the last six months, I felt as if I had a limb missing." Dick's eyes looked so soft and moist, he quickly added, "An important one. Probably not a limb so much as my head, actually."

Dick laughed.

"I'm going to look for work I can fit in alongside my studies, to be able to afford all this travelling," Julian said.

"I will too," Dick said. "I could tutor in English, maybe?"

"Good idea. I might get work as a lifeguard."

Dick nodded solemnly. "Let me know if you need a reference. I have first hand experience as a damsel in distress."

Julian laughed. "Thanks, Dick!" He flopped off Dick and onto his back. "I'm hungry!" he stated, as if surprised by the discovery.

"You've worked hard. It's my turn, really."

Julian looked up at Dick, who was leaning over him. When Dick grinned and began to move his left hand down Julian's torso, Julian covered it and stilled it just above his navel. "If you touch me now, we won't be eating until night time."

"That's fine with me, Ju."

Julian made a growl low in his throat which sped up Dick's pulse. "Food first, to keep up our strengths, if nothing else." At this, Dick chuckled. "Then some kind of... wash." He looked up at the tent roof and frowned. "When did the rain stop?"

Dick blinked. "I don't know."

Julian scrambled up and went to peer outside. "Definitely no more rain. And there are sheep in the distance, heading this way."

Dick groaned, getting his pyjamas back into order. He started rummaging through their stash of food. "We have water bottles, crackers, pâté, cream cheese and chocolates, not much else exciting."

"Where did the chocolates come from?" Julian looked back over his shoulder, surprised.

"Paris. I made them."

Julian beamed and scrambled towards the supplies.

Dick stopped him with his hand on one long arm. "Oh no, they're to have later."

"They're food, Dick - and food you made, no less - so they're for now. You're to have later."

Dick gulped. The look in Julian's eyes was positively predatory. "I'll hold you to that."

"You won't have to. I can barely think of anything else as it is."

"Ju," Dick gasped.

Julian gave him a quick kiss, then said, with his mouth still near, as if he couldn't quite make himself move away, "Food first."

"All right." Dick avoided Julian's eyes while assembling the toppings on the crackers.

* * * * * *

They were feeding each other chocolates when they heard the baa of a sheep close by, and they both frowned.

"After all that lovely peace and privacy, that sheep sounds like a travelling circus to me," Julian grumbled.

Dick sighed. "We might as well pack up and move on, I suppose. This place is too scenic to stay empty for long, with the weather cleared up like this."

By the time they were packed, had disassembled the tent, and loaded up the bikes, they spotted a shepherd on a nearby hill, looking somewhat discontented and as if he'd sooner not be stomping through muddy moorland right after so much rain.

They cycled along a path not far from him, and he waved to them and called out something that sounded like, "'Ow do? Been camping? Clarty out. Not been good weather for it!"

They waved back and shouted a hello, then Julian muttered quietly, "It's been spectacular weather for it, actually," which made Dick laugh out loud.

They stopped off in the late afternoon in Sutton-under-Whitestonecliffe, bought postcards for friends and family, wrote and sent them, and picked up more supplies.

Dick fought down his smile when he saw Julian buying Vaseline, along with food and water bottles, and moved closer when he heard him talking to the shop keeper - an elderly lady with a kind smile.

"... we were wondering, are there good camp sites around the lake?" Gormire Lake, though not visible from the village main street, featured on many of their postcards, and they'd found out from the post office that it was a little over a mile from the village.

The shop keeper, Mrs Potter, considered this for a moment, then said, "Don't know, lad. I'd tell you to ask the Mertons on Merton farm if tha can set up camp there for the night - they're nice folks, they allus let folks camp there in't summer and I wager wouldn't mind a bit having tha there in't backend."

Julian glanced helplessly back at Dick, who mouthed, "Autumn, I think," and then had to turn away quickly.

Mrs Potter had continued talking. "...Swansea for a month. Mrs Merton's sister lives there, and she's badly." She considered. "They'd worry nowt about me sendin' you there. Be right, you look like nice lads. No dogs there to drive tha away either."

Julian thanked her. "I suppose there's someone left in charge we could talk to? Just to make sure it's all right."

Dick smiled, hearing the unspoken, _Is there anyone there likely to disturb us?_

"Nah," she said. "The farm is deserted, no one staying in't 'ouse or anywhere on the land."

Dick added a small carton of eggs, a tin of salmon, tartare sauce and strawberries to their shopping, and thanked her as well.

When they got back to the bikes, Julian grinned. "Merton farm tonight, what do you think, Dick?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * * * * *

It was even better than expected. Once they had cycled through the wide gate, they veered off the overgrown drive up to the house and looked around the land, and Dick spotted a barn just about fifty yards from the lake's edge. "They wouldn't have left animals there if they're away for a month," he said.

"No." Julian's eyes flashed. "And sleeping in a barn sounds like a very nice change from the tent."

Dick looked at him. "Very. You could even stand completely upright."

Julian laughed.

They pushed the creaky barn door open with some difficulty; it clearly wasn't used much. The barn wasn't very large, but there was an upper floor up a ladder, and there was hay strewn about both upstairs and downstairs, and a few more bales near the doors.

"They must use this as an extra sleeping space for summer visitors."

Dick smiled, and Julian came up behind him, wrapped his arms around him, and whispered into his ear, "This will be perfect."

"Mmm, yes."

They carried in their things, set up their sleeping area upstairs, had some tea, and Julian suggested a splash in the lake.

"It'll be freezing after the last couple of days, and it'll be dark soon and even colder," Dick warned but, like Julian, he got into bathing trunks. They took a couple of towels, spread them out beside the lake, and then waded in.

"Brr!" Dick shuddered.

Julian did, too. "The post master said the lake's warm, because there are no streams feeding it. Bah humbug, if you ask me. No cramp this time, Dick. If it's too cold, we get out."

"But I liked you rescuing me," Dick admitted.

"You didn't like it at the time." Julian flopped onto his back, suppressed a cry at the chill, and began to float lazily.

"I liked it too much, really. At the time, I only made me feel worse."

Julian moved towards him, but then he looked around and swam towards a tiny cove of sorts on the bank of the lake, with shrubs all around it. He waved towards Dick to join him there, and Dick followed. 

"I hope there's no one around," Dick cautioned.

"Unless Mrs Potter told anyone else to go and camp here, no. This part of the lake is pretty private. We're not taking chances though." Julian's arm wrapped around Dick's waist under the water. "Hold your breath."

Dick did, and Julian, with a little leap, submerged them both, and kissed Dick very quickly underwater. They came back up, gasping and shaking water out of their hair, and started swimming alongside each other leisurely. The sun had set completely by then, and even twilight was nearly gone. Furthermore, the lake water was unusually dark, which Dick remarked on.

"That's either because the lake is meant to be bottomless, or because the devil was boiled in it once," Julian said with a perfectly straight face.

Dick snorted. "Local legends?" he guessed.

"Oh yes, there are many of them about Gormire, and you don't want to know most of what the post master told me."

"I can believe that."

They swam along the bank and slowly got used to the temperature.

"That barn has a good lock on it, and the door creaks something awful," Julian mentioned casually.

"Oh, really?" Dick was grinning.

"Really. There are a few heavy boxes in there we could push in front of it too. It would take ages to get it open from the outside, and they'd make an awful racket. If anyone was going to try."

"That's very good to know." Dick had trouble suppressing his laughter. "Seeing that it's dinner time soon. We wouldn't want to be disturbed during dinner."

"Yes," Julian said, turning on his back so he could more easily look at Dick swimming next to him. "I'm getting awfully hungry."

Dick let his eyes roam up and down Julian's body. "So am I."

"That's good. I can stop worrying about your lack of appetite."

Dick laughed. "Yes, that's no longer a problem."

They climbed out of the water a little while later, and Dick was going to pick up his towel and head back to the barn, but when he saw what Julian was doing, barely a foot away from him, his eyes widened.

"I'm going to have a proper bathe, now that it's basically dark."

Dick's eyes flicked up to the dim slice of a waning moon, and then back to Julian's hands. He watched him hook his fingers behind the elastic of his swimming trunks and slowly draw them down. He bit his cold lips.

"Watching won't get you naked," Julian pointed out.

Dick laughed huskily. "Apparently, it won't get me anything else until I've suffered through the torture of going back into the water."

"That's right." Julian was laughing as he waded back into the water, this time clutching a bar of soap he'd brought along.

Dick grinned and shucked off his own trunks to go and suffer with Julian.

Julian washed quickly and efficiently, but both speed and efficiency fell by the wayside when he started to use the soap on Dick. After many kisses and lingering touches, Julian at last took Dick's hand and pulled him out of the water, and they bundled up their trunks and the soap in the towels and hurried towards the barn.

They shut the door behind them, and Julian lit their lamp, then found a dry towel and wrapped it around his hips. He quickly dried his hair with another one, before turning around and looking at Dick, who was bent over and searching for a towel himself. He smiled. "Come here, Dick," he said.

Dick turned from his bag and saw Julian hold out the towel he had used on his hair. When he stepped closer, Julian used it to dry his hair and face, then slowly moved it around Dick's neck and down his entire body.

Dick was shaking by the time Julian had finished with his legs and was merely using the towel to caress his skin as he slowly dragged it back up. "We need to lock the door," he said huskily.

Dick nodded and took the towel. He tied it around his own hips and they went to slide the large bolt across the door, then pushed everything heavy they could find against it. For good measure they locked the heavy shutters over the single window too.

"You're still wet," Dick said, watching drops of water roll down Julian's body and behind the towel.

Julian watched the way Dick's eyes caressed his body. "Help me with that?" he asked softly.

Dick met his eyes. He stepped up close to him and untied the towel from Julian's hips. He began by drying his upper body, moving the soft flannel teasingly over shivering skin, intentionally letting it catch on hard, peaked nipples.

Julian gasped, and Dick, not breaking eye contact, moved the towel down and dipped it into Julian's bellybutton, slid it around his lower back, then his hips and, with his fingers spread wide, moved it over the curves of Julian's buttocks, which flexed under the caress. Then he knelt on soft hay and dried the backs of Julian's long legs, still looking up into his eyes.

"Dick," Julian whispered, lightly running his fingers through Dick's damp hair - standing on end from being towel-dried. The muscles in his legs tensed and relaxed while Dick dried their fronts and sides, before sliding the towel very slowly up between them. All the way up.

Julian's soft groan made Dick shiver. He only used the towel for a few more seconds, before letting it drop between them, shifting to kneel on it for extra padding, and replacing it on Julian's body with his bare hands - the left one moving around the side of Julian's hip, the right gently enclosing him - hard and upright, despite the chill. And he opened his mouth and moved forward.

Julian moaned, his fingers tightening in Dick's hair, then instantly loosening as if he was afraid of hurting Dick.

Dick quickly covered Julian's hand on his head, pressing it down to signal to him, and Julian's eyes widened in understanding. He nodded, a slow smile forming around his lips. When his fingers returned to curling into Dick's hair, harder again, Dick groaned and pushed himself forward against Julian's leg, only the towel around his hips between them.

Julian was shaking, the hand not in Dick's hair caressing the side of his face, and down his neck, before resting between his neck and shoulder. Dick felt as if he was all that was holding Julian up, and it was a heady sensation. He squeezed the firm flesh under his left hand, kneading it, then moved his right hand to Julian's other cheek, drawing him forward and even further into his mouth.

Crying out, Julian closed his left hand more tightly on Dick's shoulder, squeezing it. He looked transformed, his dark eyes, even half closed, shining, and his mouth was open. He was breathing hard. Sensing Dick's eyes on his face, he met them, and Dick forgot that he was almost naked, with damp hair, on the floor of a barn in autumn, because he was kneeling at Julian's feet and allowed to worship him, and he felt on fire.

He worked his mouth harder, curled his tongue sensuously over veins, sucked Julian in deeper... deeper than he thought he could truly handle, but Julian's groan, and the trembling in the fingers on his shoulder, kept him going. Dick hummed with contentment when he began to taste Julian's essence - superior to champagne, as far as he was concerned - and he sucked harder, needing more. So much more.

When Julian obliged him, coming in warm spurts over his tongue and down his throat, Dick almost cried. Instead, he drew back reluctantly and looked up at Julian - who was flushed and breathless, but took his hands and pulled him up. Then he led Dick to the ladder and the upper floor, where he lay back on their open sleeping bags and drew Dick down to him.

"I hope it was like that for you earlier, I really do," Julian murmured, not yet quite master over his own voice. He caressed Dick's face and placed little kisses all over it.

Dick smiled, too happy to find words, so he answered by kissing Julian for the longest time, pouring everything he felt into it. By the time they came up for breath, their lips were wet and swollen, and Dick was sitting on top of Julian. He shifted a little, which made Julian inhale sharply. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Don't be." Julian reached down to his hips and drew him up until he could feel Dick hard against his stomach. "I won't be far behind, just give me a few minutes."

Dick rocked back and forth a little, humming his agreement. He looked into Julian's eyes, which squeezed closed when he slid back further. 

"You said it hurts a little. Will the Vaseline help?" Julian asked, his voice cracking a little. "It was all I could think of."

Dick nodded. He felt suddenly strangely shy.

Julian, without shifting him on his hips, reached for his bag and withdrew the small tub from the side pocket. "Can you lie on your back?" he asked, his long fingers undoing the towel around Dick's hips and pulling it away to drop it in the hay next to the sleeping bags. "I want to see your face, so I know I'm not hurting you."

"Yes," Dick said, letting himself be rolled over, with Julian above him, one leg between his. He heard himself panting hard, but couldn't help it.

"I'll be careful, I promise," Julian said, placing a reassuring kiss on Dick's chest, while he shifted Dick's left thigh to the side to give his fingers better access.

"I'm not scared, Ju." Dick smiled. "I'm... I..." He didn't know how to explain just how much he wanted this with Julian.

"I think I understand," Julian said. "I feel the same way." The proof of his words was in his unsteady voice and the way his hand was shaking when he began to gently caress the skin between Dick's thighs, his fingers nudging almost accidentally upwards. He watched Dick's expression when he reached to dip his fingers into the Vaseline and returned them to the same place, stroking gently back and forth over his most intimate area, until Dick's breathing sped up even further. Then, he gently nudged a single finger into him, and Dick gasped.

Julian bit his lower lip in concentration, moving the finger further in, then almost out again, and back, and forth. 

"Ju... more," Dick pleaded softly.

Julian reluctantly withdrew his finger, returning with more Vaseline, coating two fingers this time. He spent more time on tracing the ring of muscle and widening it, before pushing back inside, and Dick moaned softly when both fingers went as deep as they could go. He stilled there, just letting Dick get used to the sensation, but it wasn't long before he felt Dick shift impatiently. "You're so warm inside," he said in awe and, as if in anticipation of that warmth, he began to harden again already against Dick's thigh.

Dick whimpered when he was breached with three slippery fingers. When Julian started to withdraw them, thinking he had hurt him, he said, "Oh no, please, don't stop. That feels so good."

"Dick," Julian whispered, stretching up to kiss him, even as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of him, increasing his tempo when Dick started to meet them by pushing back. 

"Ju, it's enough. I'm ready. Please." Dick clung to his shoulders tightly, looking up at Julian pleadingly.

Julian nodded, drawing his fingers back, then coated himself. Quickly, liberally, and with a trembling hand.

Dick spread his legs wider, hooking them over Julian's hips, and held his breath as Julian shifted his hands underneath him and slowly, so very slowly, pushed into him. He let his breath out in a long, slow exhalation when Julian slid further in.

"Oh, Dick, this is..." Julian squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, catching his breath. When he looked into Dick's eyes, and started moving again, he looked utterly overwhelmed.

Dick felt the same way. He tightened his legs around Julian, awkwardly tried to meet his lips, his hands scrambling to cling to his back and shoulders. He couldn't get close enough, couldn't get Julian deep enough inside himself.

Julian started to move faster, Dick was making it impossible not to, and he would make it impossible for this to last long too. Julian stilled for a moment, remaining deep inside, breathing hard against Dick's neck to regain some control.

Dick stroked the nape of his neck, the other hand in the small of Julian's back. His eyes were closed. He was inhaling the scent of Julian's hair and felt his breath shivering over his skin. His own trembling caused him to instinctively tighten around Julian, and Julian's groan was an echo of his.

"I need to start moving again, is that all right, Dick?" Julian's voice was raspy and that, even without the tiny, needy thrusts Julian couldn't suppress even as he waited for the answer, nearly undid Dick.

"Yes, Ju, please. Having you inside me, it's so-- Uh!"

Julian, with a pained moan, had started thrusting harder again, and Dick couldn't even form a thought, let alone words. He set his feet down on the sleeping bag beside Julian's hips so he could counter the thrusts better, but kept his knees as tightly around Julian as possible, and Julian took him so deeply, Dick wondered if it would be possible to keep him there always.

Julian shifted onto his elbows, his hands under Dick's shoulder blades, and his mouth found Dick's with a breathless gasp. They kissed while Julian's thrusts grew erratic, fast and slower by turns, and Dick dug his fingertips into Julian's smooth back. And then Julian swallowed Dick's groan of release, coming moments later - from the warmth spreading between them, or Dick's whimper of his name, or the sob Dick couldn't suppress... he didn't know. It didn't matter. He collapsed in Dick's arms with a sigh, trying hard not to slip out. Not just yet.

* * * * * *

Sometime during the night, Julian had woken up and cleaned them both with a cloth, because when Dick woke up in the morning, he felt clean and warm and utterly contented in Julian's arms, in the zipped together sleeping bags.

"Ju." Dick stroked Julian's cheek, then leaned up to kiss him, until he felt him slowly wake up.

"Morning," Julian murmured, smiling.

"Morning." Dick smiled back. He looked at Julian's still sleepy expression, his half-lidded eyes, dark and soft on him, and somehow, he fell in love with him even more. He hadn't thought it possible.

"You can't ever look at me like that when there's anyone else around, Dick," Julian said with a smile.

Dick blushed. "I could say the same. As it is, I don't know how not to go weak in the knees now when you look at me."

Julian cupped the back of Dick's head and drew him down for a long, deep kiss.

Once he could speak again, Dick mused, "I wish it would start raining again, for days on end, so we wouldn't have to leave here."

"Well, if it's all right for us to stay here for one night, we can probably stay a little longer." Julian looked thoughtful. "We need to go on a skiing holiday in winter, so we can get ourselves snowed in for days." 

"I like that idea." Dick smiled. "A lonely chalet in the French alps?"

"Hmm. Just you and me, blankets, mulled wine, hot cocoa and lots of food."

"Snuggling in front of the fireplace," Dick added, nestling into Julian's arms and drawing up the blanket.

"Cold?" Julian asked, rubbing Dick's bare skin through the blanket, then sliding his arms under it to hold him very close.

"No, Ju. Not when you're holding me." Dick smiled when he felt a tender kiss on his temple.

"I wish I could keep holding you continuously."

"That wouldn't get much done."

Julian chuckled. "Not in a practical sense, maybe." He grew serious. "It'll be good to have memories like this while we're apart." When Dick nodded, he said, "A favourite one will be the sight of you on your knees, gazing up at me the way you did earlier, as if I was all you'd ever wanted."

"You are, Ju." Dick blushed and quoted, "If you ever looked at me once with what I know is in you, I would be your slave." He added, softly, "And that's how you did look at me."

Julian tipped up Dick's face, his eyes infinitely tender on Dick's. "I have no words for how much I love you, Dick." He kissed him until they were both breathless.

"You just told me how much," said Dick. "And better than Heathcliff."

"Of course! I thought you were quoting." Julian laughed. "It's appropriate, considering where we are."

"I re-read _Wuthering Heights_ when you wrote and suggested the Yorkshire moors," Dick admitted, looking sheepish. "It's been a while since we read it at school. I bet you never thought I'd come over all romantic."

"Hmm," Julian considered. "I'm not completely surprised, if I'm honest." When Dick's eyes widened at that, he grinned. "I don't mind a bit, if you want to be romantic with me."

"I feel very romantic about you." Dick nuzzled against the side of Julian's neck, smiling when a soft huff of laughter ruffled his hair.

* * * * * *

They ended up staying on Merton farm for days, going to the store for more supplies as needed. In truth, they only decided to leave when they did because they were starting to feel guilty for staying somewhere uninvited for so long.

The day they left, they wrote a note for the Mertons, telling them they had been there on the suggestion of Mrs Potter from the village shop, they hoped it was all right, and thanked them for the use of their barn. Together with the note, Julian tucked several banknotes into an envelope, and they pushed it through under the front door of the main house.

Dick, dressed in a light shirt, a pair of black trousers, and a black Harrington jacket, had meanwhile finished loading his bike. "It's strange to be wearing so many clothes again."

Julian laughed. He took in Dick's outfit with appreciation. "You look great, Dick, but I still prefer you in just skin."

Dick grinned, "That's not a good conversation, if we're planning to be off today."

Julian sighed. "I know." He himself was wearing his beige chinos, a cream shirt, and a red jumper. Everything was in place on his bike too now; they had already checked the barn for anything they might have forgotten.

"You look very proper right now," Dick said. "Properly handsome too." He lifted himself up onto his bike seat and immediately winced. "Cycling might not be much fun today."

Julian's eyes widened. "Oh, no."

Dick looked at him. "Worth it, Ju, so worth it."

Julian smiled. "This might become a hiking holiday now."

Dick, giving up on sitting on his bike, prepared to push it for the time being, and Julian did the same. "It won't be our first, but it'll be the best."

* * * * * *

And it was. By the time it was over, plans had been made and refined and, despite the sadness of their parting, Julian and Dick both knew that the coming winter holiday would be anything but cold or lonely.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://sweetsorcery.tumblr.com/), and we can squee about this and maybe other pairings/fandoms we love. And drop me a message there, if you'd like me to follow you back. :)
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> These fictional characters (and some of their memories) are copyright Enid Blyton. This is a work of fiction set in an imagined future for those characters, and was written entirely for entertainment.
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> Please do not archive this story elsewhere, including in translated form.


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